9th April 2016:
I've been coughing almost constantly for three weeks, the doctor prescribed antibiotics but they didn't make a scrap of difference and I have grown very tired by lack of sleep and the chest infection that started everything off. It seems that this is happening to me every year to varying degrees and I suppose that I know what to do when it hits - rest, rest and more rest! I thought I might spend the time profitably by studying, writing for various upcoming events or at the very least praying - something that somehow always gets left til last - almost an add on as it were - a kind of after thought or a bullet that I fire up to the Lord when I need something.
That indeed is what He has been talking to me about these last few weeks - I must admit I have been slow to listen, or maybe just too tired and there have been tears when I realised how little I actually sit and talk to my Lord, how often I rush through with my list of requests. It has been a battle to make sure that my physical weariness hasn't translated into guilt and shame and spiritual condemnation but through it all I know that my Father has been calling me to Himself - calling me to understand that my relationship with Him can be directly measured by my prayer life.
So I'm sitting here this morning and I have been praying - for all those people I know that do not know Jesus, for those who do but are going through tremendous trials at the moment - for the persecuted church around the world - for the horror and the terror and the wickedness to just stop and for the Lord to return quickly. But maybe even more than that I have been praying that the Lord will lead me and give me the words that He wants me to pray - that He would guide me into His presence and that I would be actually listening to His Spirit and talking to my Father about the things that He wants me to bring before Him. What a task that is - what a gift and how long it takes. I can't just rush in and out again and off I go into my day - I must sit and wait and listen and read His Word and then ask Him to show me what it is that I should bring before Him today.
And I find myself asking Him to not let me waste my life - that I would be always aware of the reason that I am still here on this planet - that I would not allow myself to be caught up in the things of this world - even the good things - but that everything I think and do and say would be for His kingdom and His glory. And then I realised that He has given that to me to pray because He actually wants to do that for me - He wants me to know the great joy of not wasting time, the peace that comes from knowing that I am in the centre of His will and the overwhelming torrents of His great love which He pours out in and through me.
So today though I am still not completely better - all is well with my soul. Today though I am still coughing and still tired I know that He is here and that I am with Him. Today, though there will probably be tears - there will be much joy as I spend this day with my Father.
